Why...

Does everything have to not make sense anymore. The one moment in my life I actually feel I have started to pull out of this depressing state you throw me back into a miserable pit of depression and heartache. I don't understand, did I do something to you to deserve this torture? I feel like clawing my heart out and putting it in a chest and dropping it in the bottom of the ocean so no one can hurt it any longer. My heart isn't a toy and I am not your puppet so stop treating me so. I have the biggest heart you can imagine and you want to rip it to shreds with your actions and words. Do I not mean anything to you? Or am I just worth nothing to you? Am I ever going to get your approval or is that fairy tale disaster waiting to happen. If I die alone I think that would be better than sticking with someone that takes my feelings and compassion for granted.

My Choices.

What I choose to do is none of your concern, if I decide to never see you again...
Just walk away!
I make my choices for me not for being afraid of what you think. If I was scared of what you thought of me I surely wouldn't have done over half what I have in my life. I live to please myself and I believe God will be the one to guide me. Your opinion means nothing to me. You are not better than me so what gives you the right to tell me that what I have done is wrong? Mistakes are there to learn not to be judged. So I say this for the last time I have decided to never see you again and not to deal with you so you should just walk away!

Friends?

I have one statement for the word... friend.


"What is the point in having a friend if in time they fade away."

Reality Check

No matter how hard you try to help someone you have to realize that once they want help then you can. They have to be willing to take advice in order to be helped. If they don't want it fuck it. You have to except that not everyone can be helped because they believe it isn't possible. But reality check, everyone has problems and there is always someone out there willing to help you. But me personally am not going to force the issue out of you. Stubbornness can only stretch but so far. But hey it's your life and I will let you live it.




The End. 

Me

If you are one of the people that don't understand me or are a person that thinks you have figured me out.

This is for you.

I am not who you think I am. I analyze everything in my head. I think way too much about everything and try and figure a way to do everything the way I want to without harming anyone or anything. I don't like judgement even though as I typed that I sinned because I once have judged, and I am working on that. Unfortunately I am human and cannot help that. When I am quiet I am thinking of too many things at one time. Most thoughts are deeply depressing. Thats why out of nowhere I can become the "alone in the corner" type. For the guys to be honest when I hang out with you I can tell what you are thinking and want to do because I can tell it in your eyes. I can read people through their eyes and motions, people don't think it's really possible but I can tell if you are telling me the truth through the way you talk to me and by looking in your eyes. I have my funny side that comes from my love of life and humor which I try to stay but my mind corrupts me. I love to help others but if you are not willing to help yourself you are a lost cause. Those of you that may be frightened by this blog...

Good.

This Mind

Why have I been given the mind like this, I see things so deeply no matter what the situation. I feel so unlike everyone else. But I believe it was given to me for a reason, just haven't found that reason. I get into this zone where everything that happens, gets replayed in my mind over and over like I am a puppet and the master wants me to relive and see what I did wrong and make sure it never happens again. This mind feels like it is not controlled by me. But it does as it pleases and everything I do goes against everything it believes in. Every thought seems to be so deep it scares me to even say it. This mind thrives on mistakes and the only problem with that is... i'm human and I make too many mistakes.

Judgement.

Think about the saying "Don't judge a book by it's cover." We all know at some point in our lives we have judged someone just by their appearance. No one can say they haven't either thought it or even said it out loud. Honestly the word judgement makes me sick. I think that judging someone before knowing them is stupid because majority of the time when you get to know that person you like them and you feel guilty inside for thinking wrong of them. People just need to think about it this way: You never know if the people around you are judging you the same way you are judging another person so why not stop judging them and fix yourself first.

Mind Games.

It amazes me how many people play tricks with your mind without you even knowing it. You think about it after it happens and you think how could I have been so blind. They make you think your perfect some how and that everything they say you take in as the truth without stepping back and realizing they are just playing games. Your mind doesn't know it because your heart is so sappy that you believe every bit of it. Your mind is there for a reason use it. But for me, personally, your mind games will no longer work on me. I have figured you out now.

Torture.

Love seems to be the one emotion that tortures a person. You always think of the person, not sure if they are doing the same. You tell them things that you hope they can keep a secret, not sure if they will do you that one favor. Love makes your head spin, you torture yourself worrying about that person and whether what you are doing is worth it in the end. Love is one emotion that keeps you on your toes and what confuses me is how it can form a love/hate relationship with itself. What I wanna know is if Love can torture you, can everything else?