Invisible,Forgotten, Wasted.

The title of this blog are the three feeling that I have been feeling for quite some time now!
Invisible- Everyone else is moving and I am standing here waving in your face but what do you see? Nothing. I have been screaming to the top of my lungs at you but you still turn your head. I talk to people and I am not acknowledged. I feel like I am a super villain because my power of invisibility is not being used for good but then again it's not used for evil either. I am stuck here and no one is looking for me or at me.
Forgotten- I can say something to you and you will forget it in a split second whats not to say you don't forget me all together in the future. Everyone is leaving me and forgetting me so why bother sitting here and waiting and not forgetting a single word you say to me? I want to be remembered for the things I do but everyone just forgets in the long run so why try? I sit in front of you and stare at you thinking I hope you never forget or leave me... but I think I am already fading from your existence. I am being replaced by air...
Wasted- I am here for what? I will eventually be out of your life anyway I am being wasted by time. I am wasting time trying to help or hinder people. I am waste to the world because I have yet to show the world who I truly am and what I am capable of. I am wasting my breathe explaining what I think I am worth because I am not worth much to many people anyway.


Long story short I am a wasted person that is being forgotten and eventually... invisible.

Let It Out.

I don't care what race you are or where you come from there is always someone out there that has gone through something similar if not the same as you. Pain doesn't just happen to you so if someone offers to help you, accept. You never know what will happen if you finally open up to someone about what you are going through. I personally have so much pain and anger bent up that I cry out of no where. I have fear that there is no one out there that will ever truly understand the pain and suffering I have gone through but I think opening up to someone that has had problems, big and/or small I will feel much better in the end. Bottling my emotions has cause more heartache and tension than anything. I think since I finally expressed my pain to others I gave up holding it in being afraid of what others would think of me. I will always get that tugging feeling in my stomach when I think of all I have been through but I think since letting out I have felt peace within my soul. I will always believe from now on there is someone out there that is willing to hear what you have to say and you should let them hear it without fear of judgement.

Why...

Does everything have to not make sense anymore. The one moment in my life I actually feel I have started to pull out of this depressing state you throw me back into a miserable pit of depression and heartache. I don't understand, did I do something to you to deserve this torture? I feel like clawing my heart out and putting it in a chest and dropping it in the bottom of the ocean so no one can hurt it any longer. My heart isn't a toy and I am not your puppet so stop treating me so. I have the biggest heart you can imagine and you want to rip it to shreds with your actions and words. Do I not mean anything to you? Or am I just worth nothing to you? Am I ever going to get your approval or is that fairy tale disaster waiting to happen. If I die alone I think that would be better than sticking with someone that takes my feelings and compassion for granted.

My Choices.

What I choose to do is none of your concern, if I decide to never see you again...
Just walk away!
I make my choices for me not for being afraid of what you think. If I was scared of what you thought of me I surely wouldn't have done over half what I have in my life. I live to please myself and I believe God will be the one to guide me. Your opinion means nothing to me. You are not better than me so what gives you the right to tell me that what I have done is wrong? Mistakes are there to learn not to be judged. So I say this for the last time I have decided to never see you again and not to deal with you so you should just walk away!

Friends?

I have one statement for the word... friend.


"What is the point in having a friend if in time they fade away."

Reality Check

No matter how hard you try to help someone you have to realize that once they want help then you can. They have to be willing to take advice in order to be helped. If they don't want it fuck it. You have to except that not everyone can be helped because they believe it isn't possible. But reality check, everyone has problems and there is always someone out there willing to help you. But me personally am not going to force the issue out of you. Stubbornness can only stretch but so far. But hey it's your life and I will let you live it.




The End. 

Me

If you are one of the people that don't understand me or are a person that thinks you have figured me out.

This is for you.

I am not who you think I am. I analyze everything in my head. I think way too much about everything and try and figure a way to do everything the way I want to without harming anyone or anything. I don't like judgement even though as I typed that I sinned because I once have judged, and I am working on that. Unfortunately I am human and cannot help that. When I am quiet I am thinking of too many things at one time. Most thoughts are deeply depressing. Thats why out of nowhere I can become the "alone in the corner" type. For the guys to be honest when I hang out with you I can tell what you are thinking and want to do because I can tell it in your eyes. I can read people through their eyes and motions, people don't think it's really possible but I can tell if you are telling me the truth through the way you talk to me and by looking in your eyes. I have my funny side that comes from my love of life and humor which I try to stay but my mind corrupts me. I love to help others but if you are not willing to help yourself you are a lost cause. Those of you that may be frightened by this blog...

Good.

This Mind

Why have I been given the mind like this, I see things so deeply no matter what the situation. I feel so unlike everyone else. But I believe it was given to me for a reason, just haven't found that reason. I get into this zone where everything that happens, gets replayed in my mind over and over like I am a puppet and the master wants me to relive and see what I did wrong and make sure it never happens again. This mind feels like it is not controlled by me. But it does as it pleases and everything I do goes against everything it believes in. Every thought seems to be so deep it scares me to even say it. This mind thrives on mistakes and the only problem with that is... i'm human and I make too many mistakes.

Judgement.

Think about the saying "Don't judge a book by it's cover." We all know at some point in our lives we have judged someone just by their appearance. No one can say they haven't either thought it or even said it out loud. Honestly the word judgement makes me sick. I think that judging someone before knowing them is stupid because majority of the time when you get to know that person you like them and you feel guilty inside for thinking wrong of them. People just need to think about it this way: You never know if the people around you are judging you the same way you are judging another person so why not stop judging them and fix yourself first.

Mind Games.

It amazes me how many people play tricks with your mind without you even knowing it. You think about it after it happens and you think how could I have been so blind. They make you think your perfect some how and that everything they say you take in as the truth without stepping back and realizing they are just playing games. Your mind doesn't know it because your heart is so sappy that you believe every bit of it. Your mind is there for a reason use it. But for me, personally, your mind games will no longer work on me. I have figured you out now.

Torture.

Love seems to be the one emotion that tortures a person. You always think of the person, not sure if they are doing the same. You tell them things that you hope they can keep a secret, not sure if they will do you that one favor. Love makes your head spin, you torture yourself worrying about that person and whether what you are doing is worth it in the end. Love is one emotion that keeps you on your toes and what confuses me is how it can form a love/hate relationship with itself. What I wanna know is if Love can torture you, can everything else?